


Malark and his house pets

by BubbleDramatically



Category: High Hopes Low Rolls (Web Series)
Genre: EVERYONES AN ANIMAL, I DONT KNOW THE NAME OF THIS AU, I don't even know what to put as relationships, MALARK IS THEIR OWNER, Malark questions how he's come to have so many pets, Multi, but it exists, they're animals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubbleDramatically/pseuds/BubbleDramatically
Summary: Malark didn't in any way expect to end up with so many house pets, including a fucking hawk.
Relationships: All of High hopes & Eachother, Gimgar/Torlin (mentioned), Gwing Veloce/Rook Lunera (mentioned), I think?????? - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 11





	1. What the fuck is wrong with my cat?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know how it came to this, but it did.

It started out with one pet, then slowly but surely it worked it's way up twelve pets in total. Funny, he used to think the only thing he could keep alive was his house plants and himself but he had yet to kill a single pet and he had zero intentions of it. But instead of dabbling on the past and how crazy he was to actually get twelve pets, today we shall be focusing on each moment Malark went "What the fuck is wrong with my pets?"

Paddy was a bright orange tabby cat, what was strange was the dark fur around his eyes making him look more like a raccoon dipped in cheeto dust. Paddock originally belonged to a family but after their rather gruesome murder was put into a shelter until he found a new home. Except, in a shelter wasn't actually how Malark had found the cat. He found the cat in an alleyway on his way home from his college, the orange tabby looked exhausted and hungry, he was thin and his fur was matted beyond compare.

After a little while of coaxing the cat (and multiple scratches) to come out, Malark was able to safely hold the cat and bring him to the nearest shelter. It was there that he then learned that little cats story, and that the cat was somehow able to sneak out of the shelter multiple times undetected by the workers. It was obvious the cat hated it there, and with those big green eyes staring at Malark sadly as he tried to leave? He couldn't handle the guilt tugging at him and just adopted the cat then and there.

After much grooming and healthy meals, Paddy was back to his fluffy and sneaky state.

Malark was walking out of his room, his phone between his ear and his shoulder. Talking away to whoever was on the phone angrily he went into the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"Listen, I said I didn't wanna be roped up into any of your guys shit anymore! I'm putting that behind me, why can't any of you seem to understand that?!" He hissed, trying his hardest not to squeeze the water bottle in anger. Closing the door and turning to the counter he yelped at the sight of his orange cat suddenly sitting on the counter. He stared at the creature in shock, his baby blue eyes wide as Paddy's big bright green ones full of mischief stared back at him. That cat knew what he was doing, Malark swore it.

"No, no, I'm fine. Just, a bird flew into the window." Malark lied through his teeth, not daring to tell the person over the phone about his furry friend. Reaching up to scratch behind the cats ears with his free hand, Paddy purred in satisfaction.

When the shelter warned Malark about the cats stealth, he was also warned about his agility.

Malark now completely understood why he was warned about that.

Staring up at the cat who was perched on top of probably the highest shelf in Malark's apartment, he sighed and held his head in his hands. There was no way that cat could have gotten on that shelf unless he jumped all the way across the room (which Malark doubted a cat even could do) or teleported up there. Lifting his head back to the cat, he stared at him with bored eyes.

"Aight ya furry freak, how did you get up there?" Malark asked, to which the cat meowed pridefully. Taken aback at the fact _the cat fucking responded_ he was frozen in his seat. One thought crossing his mind, _'What the fuck is wrong with my cat...?'_


	2. What the fuck is wrong with my... crow and.... Hawk...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malark befriends a tiny crow he's dubbed Rook, one day when the crow brings a much larger friend with him Malark is led to question what the actual hell is wrong with his pets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this should be labeled as a crack fic at the least, we have reached 3/13 of his pets.

Malark's second "pet" wasn't exactly his pet, per say, but a little animal he did take care of.

A little crow he named Rook sat perched on his balcony, whenever Malark would go stand outside for some fresh air that bird would almost instantly appear at his side. The bird was a smart one, naturally. Whenever Malark would speak, the bird would squawk back as if he could truly understand what he was saying. Malark felt a little crazy talking to a bird, but when you're only other friend is a prideful tabby cat crazy should be welcomed.

It had been a few days since Malark had seen his bird friend and was growing a bit worried. Normally Rook came by multiple times a week, even multiple times a day if he felt like it, so why the bird had suddenly stopped visiting was something Malark didn't have the answer to and he hated that.

Staring at his phone screen scrolling through a news article, Malark slid his balcony door open and stepped out. Looking up from his phone he saw Rook but next to the tiny crow was a giant hawk. Malark yelped and went to step back, in the doing stumbling over his own to feet and falling straight onto his back. He didn't normally let things surprise him, and when they did he was annoyed beyond belief.

But since this time it was because a huge ass hawk was sitting next to a crow he'd let it slide.

Sitting up he stared wide eyed at the pair, the hawk stared down at him with narrowed eyes whilst the crow happily squawked. The bird used his wing to motion at the hawk, his little head switching between the hawk and human. If a bird could smile, Rook would be grinning from ear to ear.

"You... You brought a hawk with you.." Malark said, although it sounded much more like a question than a statement. Rook nodded his head, jumping up and down from his spot on the railing, his tiny talons clicking and clacking. Glancing down, he saw just how damn huge the hawks talons were and made sure that when he stood up to stay at least a few feet away from it.

"Alright then, you got a name?" He asked the hawk. There was silence before the hawk let out a loud cry that sounded much like "Gwing".

"Gwing? Is that your name?" He asked, to which the crow nodded. Rook began to happily squawk between the two, jumping from one foot to the other. Malark stared, the bird had just agreed to a name. Holy shit.

Rook came around regularly after that, although this time he was often accompanied by said huge hawk. On another specific day the two birds arrived once more, but this time Rook was sitting atop Gwings back. When Gwing landed Rook just seemed to nuzzle his way into the feathers of her back, his wings wrapping around her as much as he could.

"Oh, is Rook your little birdfriend?" Malark joked. Gwing paused for a second, then nodded at Malark. His jaw dropped and he stared at the pair. He was used to the birds responding to him, watching him, listening. But this was a new shocker and led Malark to question;

_'What the fuck is wrong with my... crow and.... Hawk...?'_


	3. What the fuck is wrong with my dog?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malark receives a dog named Hashaan who was used as a service dog for a large portion of her life, she acts more like his mom than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very tired right now. Hashaan is a black Russian Terrier, thought it was fitting since she has a Russian accent.

Malark stretched in his seat, his eyes burning from staring at a bright screen. Glancing at the clock on his nightstand it red 3:48 AM in big red numbers. His bed looked so comfortable, the dark blue duvet calling out his name. Turning away from his bed and back to the unfinished college assignment, he had been working on it for the past four hours.

Taking a deep breath and mentally preparing for an all-nighter he quickly got back to typing. He stopped only when his bedroom door opened to reveal the large black Russian Terrier he had just aquired. He stared at the dog for a second before turning back to his laptop and typing.

He had zoned out, brought back to reality only by a sudden weight in his lap and a quiet bark. Looking down, Hashaan had laid her head ontop of his lap, looking up at him with her large brown eyes.

"Not now Hashaan, I have to finish this paper." He said, moving his legs away from the dog. Hashaan didn't like this and let out another bark, somewhat louder than the previous one. "Hashaan, no. Stop, quiet down before you wake someone up!" He shushed the dog, running his fingers through his brown hair.

Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Hashaan giving him a dirty look, the dog looking down upon him as if she was a God and he was a mere pathetic mortal.

Hashaan had enough.

Malark jumped up from his chair when Hashaan started repeatidly barking loudly, flailing his arms and shushing her. "What the hell! Okay, okay fine! I'm going to bed! Stop barking!" He said, trying everything to quiet the barking dog.

Hashaan was satisfied.

Malark, who was already in his pajamas, flopped onto his bed and his eyes dropped shut as if an acident dragon put their whole weight on them. After a minute of some rustling noises he felt Paddy climb onto his back and lay down, snuggling up against him. Smiling to himself he awkwardly reached up to pet the cat.

Hashaan hopped up on his bed, curling up next to him and plopping down, happy she got the young college student to sleep.

-

"Hashaan stop- Oh my god, Hashaan! Fine!" He grumbled at her, making an attempt to avade her nudges and shoves. "I'll eat something! You're like a mother.."

After some rummaging through his kitchen he found some leftover food and heated it up. Standing at the counter he ate his food, he hadn't realized just how hungry he truly was till he took a bite. He turned to Hashaan who sat proudly on the floor, her head angled up in a stance of pride.

"Alright mom, you can cut it out." He said, rolling his eyes. Hashaan barked back at him, standing up and waddling up next to him like a tank with claws. Giving her a piece of food she happily ate it.

"Don't get too used to it, can't have you obsessed with human food and hatin' dog food." He shrugged. Hashaan nudged his leg and gave a few barks, rolling her eyes.

Malark choked on his reheated spaghetti and meatballs, not having expected his canine to roll her fucking eyes at him. Finally swallowing his food and reassuring the concerned dog that he was alright the familiar thought crossed his mind.

_'What the fuck is wrong with my dog?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 4:30 AM, I have work I need to do and here I am writing crackfic.
> 
> I'm still tired btw. Next is... I don't even know.


	4. What the fuck is wrong with my dog? #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malark gets an insanely dumb dog that's life goal seems to just be too disappoint Hashaan. Malark also learns, yes, dogs can get scared of horror games as well.
> 
> That and Paddy is a little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Nagar is also a dog in this but he is a Samoyed dog!! These dogs love the snow and originate in Syberia, they're very playful and need lots of caring for so I thought it would be perfect for Nagar who we know loves the colder temperatures due to Silver Dragonborns being from a very very cold place in the HHLR World!!
> 
> Nagar is just the world's dumbest puppy, still a cute one though. Also, my dog-person self is shining through with all the research I did about dogs for Hashaan and Nagar.

Malark never really thought of himself to be a dog person, more of a cat person to be honest. Cats were elegant, sneaky, and graceful animals whilst dogs were slobbery, loud, and as he was learning, rather judgemental over his sleep schedule and eating habits. He never really thought to get a dog but here he was, two dog leashes in his hands as he walked Hashaan and newly acquired Nagar around the park.

Hashaan and the Samoyed didn't get along too well, they didn't fight but she would growl and glare down at him like she was a Queen and he was a lowly speck of dust on her shining crystal crown. Nagar always steered close to her, he was so happy to go on a walk yet the minute he saw Malark attached the other leash to Hashaan who stared him down with the intensity of a drill sergeant that made the poor dog hide under the table.

Once he was able to drag the white and black animals out of the house and down the road all was fine, minus the six feet distance separating the two dogs. Good dogs abide by social distancing, even though they lived in the same house.

Nagar was filled with happy energy that beamed like the sun, his presence lit up the room and attracted the children to his sides like he was a god and they were his devout followers. In return for gracing them with his presence they would give him large amounts of belly rubs, the small hands of the children scratching him and showing him that he truly was a good boy.

The children adored the two dogs, although they did appreciate how much more reactive Nagar was to their affection. Hashaan didn't mind the less attention, though. She spent her time watching over them as they played, scaring off the occasional squirrel how lingered just a bit too close to one of the humans with a low growl.

After hours of playing they finally began their return home. Malark didn't fail to notice the two birds flying overhead nor the sharp glances the brown hawk would send towards Nagar. He didn't seem to notice but instead happily trotted like a happy horse down the sidewalk. Once he arrived at his home he was greeted with two birds on his balcony and loud meowing from Paddy.

Giving the birds a few berries, copious amounts of attention to the cat, and setting out the dog's food he retreated to his room. Leaving the door open for any animals to join him he booted up his computer and got to work on a paper. Schoolwork was boring, that's for sure.

After an hour of rewriting whatever he had typed out he gave in and instead found a game to play. He had randomly decided on a horror game, thoroughly enjoying those. While the game loaded Nagar had waddled his way into Mal's bedroom like a prancing penguin, white fur bouncing adorably with each step.

Nagar walked up to Malark's side, his eyes just barely peeking over the edge of the desk to see the screen.

"You wanna watch my game?" He asked his canine. Nagar barked and nodded his head happily, tail thudding loudly against the floor. "Alright then, let's your you aren't a scaredy-cat."

Nagar seemed offended at the idea of being a scaredy-cat, his eyes widening and staring up at Malark with betrayal as if he had killed his brother, slept with his wife, and burned his village to the ground. Malark couldn't hold back from saying an apology to his dog and scratching him behind the ear.

The game had been rather simple, he was playing as some scientist studying how to manipulate shadows by opening a portal to another realm full of monsters and demons and trying to contain them only to have them break free and cage him inside his house, the goal of the game was to evade the shadow monsters and escape the house. You were equipped with a flashlight you had to shake to recharge, but the monsters would hear you if you shook it for too long or if you were too close to them. The monsters had a sound cue of scratching on the walls or floor, even faint scratch marks you could make out if you looked hard enough.

Directing his character to exit a room he shook his flashlight for just a second when he heard somewhat loud scratching. Nagar laid his ears flat on his head and stared with mild horror at the screen. Turning to run down a hall he came face to face with a monster who jump-scared him.

Malark nearly jumped out of his seat cursing and Nagar made a noise similar to a scream and bark in one. The dog jumped back and nearly toppled over himself.

Hashaan peeked her head in, grunting when she spotted the spooked Malark and the horrified Nagar. Turning away with disappointment clear in her expression she walked back into the living room to join Paddy. You could faintly hear "The Bachelor" playing from the living room as well.

Nagar didn't leave Malark's side and when Paddy learned that scratching noises scared him he would scratch at doors or the floor and see the dog flee with his tail between his legs. That night Nagar cuddled up as close to Malark as possible, not caring that Hashaan was right on the other side of the boy and more than likely about to bite his head off in his sleep.

During the night the three were awoken by scratching at Malarks bedroom door. Trying to see through his ferocious bedhead he was able to catch sight of Nagar tried to jump off the bed and hide but instead stumbled and fell face-first onto the floor, rolling under the bed spy style. Malark knew who the scratching was and opened his bedroom door to let Paddy in, having forgotten the cat was outside his room when he went to bed.

Crawling on his knees Malark pulled Nagar out from under the bed, picking up the large white dog like a small baby and placing him on the bed. Nagar wiggled under the blankets and kept glancing over by the door. He regretted letting his dog watch him play games now.

His eyes closed and one last thought lingered in his mind as he slipped from consciousness into the sweet grip of the void we know as sleep;

_'What the fuck is wrong with my dog?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The game used was me improvising on the spot, it ain't real. Also, Nagar getting scared of the horror game mimics my dog Miles who's scared of horror movies. He's also afraid of thunderstorms because he saw me get scared of them, now neither of us can sleep during one. I think Samoyed!Nagar might be my most favorite thing in the world and I very desperately wish i could draw dogs so I could draw Malark and puppy Nagar. 
> 
> Pls tell me what you think, comments fuel my passion for writing and I thoroughly enjoy Malark being an insane weirdo who talks to animals.


	5. What the fuck is wrong with Rosa's birds and rabbit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa Zahradny, a friend of Malark, has to leave on a trip and leaves her three pets with him, a sweet little rabbit, a very chaotic budgie, and a very loud cockatiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not gonna remember writing this tomorrow am i  
> also, it was gimgar's player that said she'd be a bird so this is a confirmed animal this time around!  
> I reference hashaans eyes, i think they're blue? found some art and they're blue, I thought they were purple ngl but i'll go with what i know

"This is Gimgar, she can be very loud but usually shuts up if you cover her with a blanket or washrag, this is Torlin, she's very sweet and cuddly but if she starts shrieking just know she's trying to sing and she isn't in any form of pain."

"Rosa, it'll be fine don't worry, I have pets too y'know," Malark said, motioning to his animals who sat proudly at his feet.

"I know but mine are a little... Strange..." She said, cringing as the word left her lips.

"I've seen my fair share of strange." He said flatly, bringing his can of soda up to his lips for a sip.

"Well just be warned, Ryce likes to wake you up in the morning. He's also very, very horny for a bird." Malark choked on his soda, hacking, and coughing in response to her sudden statement.

"Excuse me?" He wheezed out, setting his can down and reached to his knees to pet a very concerned Hashaan and Nagar.

"You heard me. And beware, do not let Gimgar near cardboard, she's tried to eat it and end up choking on it far too many times- shit, I gotta run. Thank you once again Mal, I owe you big time!" She said, grabbing her bag and throwing it over her shoulder. She reached over to rub her pets affectionately one last time. "I'll be back in four days you guys, be nice to Malark."

Once she left Malark locked the door behind her and turned to face the birds in their cage. There was a beat of silence before loud screeching echoed from Gimgar. She wasn't even flapping her wings or throwing herself around, she was just loudly squawking, although it did sound more like the screeching of condemned souls.

Malark stared at the screeching bird and racked through his memory to find a solution to shut her up, not fully comfortable with just throwing a rag at her just yet.

"Do you want out of your cage?" He attempted to ask the birds, speaking over the loud screaming. Reaching over to unlatch their cage almost instantly the budgie took off towards the rabbit cage.

"HOLY SHIT-" Malark yelped, jumping back as the bird soared past his head. He almost feared the bird would try killing the rabbit but seeing the small budgie squeeze itself through the cage bars and cuddle up against the small furball soothed his worries, he wouldn't have to report back to Rosa that her bird had committed a slaughter not even ten minutes after she left them in his care.

After a minute of watching the budgie, he turned to the much larger cockatiel.

"What are you gonna do?" He asked, near immediately regretting his mistake as both the bunny and bird began to shriek at such a high volume you think glass would shatter. Nearly jumping out of his skin he about damn stepped on Paddy who, along with Nagar and Hashaan, booked it out of the room to hide.

The thought of _'Why did I agree to this?'_ plagued Malark's mind for the rest of the day, between high pitched screeching and wrangling Gimgar away from the cardboard cereal boxes she had taken a liking too and trying to keep Ryce Wyne from waking him up at six am every morning, throw in a very unpleasant call here and there, Malark quickly realized he took having just three pets (Not counting Rook and Gwing) for granted. Six was pure hell.

Malark finally got a full night's rest, the animals had taken mercy on his poor soul and he was able to sleep peacefully. All was well in life.

His sky blue eyes fluttered open like the wings of a butterfly and he gazed sleepily at the ceiling for a minute. The soft rumbling of Paddy who laid at his head nearly lulled him to sleep had it not been for the snores echoing from his Samoyed on one side and the noticeable lack of warmth on the other, Hashaan had more than likely awoken and went to get some water before he had. She always seemed to be up before he was, often pressuring him into eating breakfast (or lunch depending on when he awoke) with just the stare of her icy blue eyes.

All seemed peaceful, too peaceful.

His head rolled to the side and there suddenly was perched Ryce who sat staring at the wall. Without even looking at Malark the bird let out a sudden yet loud scream causing Malark to cuss loudly and jump into the air, startling Nagar who fell off the bed and causing Paddy to loudly flail about and hiss.

Four days couldn't have gone by any quicker, and as Rosa was thanking him for watching her animals Malark asked the question plaguing his mind for days.

"What the fuck is wrong with your pets?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i call malark rook anywhere in here please know it's because it is 7 am, i have had no sleep, and i now have a record on the server of mixing the two up.


End file.
